Fuck

(no subject)

I find myself in a situation I never expected to be in. I know it will all eventually be ok, but this next week, and forseable future, are going to be stressful and hectic.
You Shouldn't Kiss Me Like This

(no subject)

By the gods do I love you. I want to scream it at the top of my lungs and shout it to the world. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would meet anyone like you, feel this way about anyone, want to be with anyone the way I want to be with you. It hurts to not be with you. Whenever we have to part I feel a real, physical pain. I have been brought to tears when leaving you.

"But then on meeting you, I felt I should be with you always." - Corpse Bride
  • Current Music
    Hot On The Trail by Steam Powered Giraffe
I'm Not Completely Worthless

(no subject)

I want to do something stupid. Something big and potentially life ruining. Perhaps even life endingly? Will it be worth it? Who knows! I don't know what it is I want to do, but I know it's going to be stupid and have unpleasant consequences
This Pain Is Just Too Real

(no subject)

Its been 16 years since I made this journal, and sometimes I still feel like the depressed, emo teenager who first made this account. So much yet so little has changed since I was 17. Nights like tonight I get hit with an overwhelming sense of sadness that feels so old. Honestly, it feels almost like I'm homesick, but for nowhere and everywhere. Like I have a home out there somewhere, a place I have never been, maybe a place that doesn't exist at all, and my very being is crying out for it.
Chaos

(no subject)

I usually don't set a resolution or goal at the New Year because I think it's dumb. Why wait till the start of the year to make changes? I started making some changes to my life in July, however I have made a list of things I would like to accomplish in 2020. Mostly just a continuation of what I am already doing, but maybe making a list will make it easier to do.

  1. Walk/run at least three 5ks

  2. Walk/run 1000 miles throughout the year

  3. Start upper/full body workouts

  4. Read 50 books(not counting graphic novels)

  5. Polish up one story and try and get it published

  6. Talk to doctor at next appointment(in March) about adult ADD/ADHD

  • Current Music
    Sing by MCR
The Mighty Boosh

(no subject)

So I haven't been to the gym in two weeks. First it was because I spent two days crazy sick. I gave myself a day after feeling better just to be safe. Then I went to the doctor and was told I has overdoing it at the gym, losing too much weight * too fast and was putting too much stress on my body. I have spent the last ten days being incredibly depressed about not being able to meet the goal I set for myself and just not going to the gym because of it. I know, realistically, that I have kicked so much ass and done so much more than I ever thought I could and not only should that be enough, but it is more than enough, but my brain went and got the SAD. I'm off to the gym now becuase I may not be making my original goal, but I have others and I refuse to let myself quit.



* It was never my goal to lose weight. I'm 5'1 and was about 112lbs when I started working out. I
Fuck

(no subject)

I will not be making my 500 mile goal by the end of the year. I went to my doctor the other day and was actually told to cut back on my working out. I have been pushing myself too hard and have been stressing my body out, in addition to losing too much weight while not adding muscle. This is part of why I have been getting sick so easy and so bady recently. I had chalked it up to my depression, which could still be a contributing factor, but the stress and weight loss are the main culprits. 102lbs at 5'1'' is not a good thing, or so I'm told. I wanted to make my goal so bad, but health comes before fit. I just need to dial it back a bit. I'm sad I won't be making 500, but I've done over 400 miles in less than 5 months, so I still feel proud of myself.
Sanity Is Overrated

(no subject)

I only have 130 miles left to meet my goal. While I should really go out and hit the gym today I need a break. My last two nights at the gym I upped the ante and did 10.17 and 8.01 miles. The most I usually do is 7, so I'm a little sore right now.